(and, yes, blyat means what you think it means)
Murder by Monologue! Episode 1: Without the Cage
Murder by Monologue (Trailer)
Check out this trailer for my upcoming audio drama podcast Murder by Monologue!
Some Old Stuff Because Why Not
Yeah, I haven’t been very productive lately. Blame 2020. The year, not the show. Stress, insomnia, health distractions.
So here’s some old stuff I may or may not have posted here.
Here’s an older piece called ‘A Chance to Prove it’ recently read by Alec Cizak.
Here’s ‘Mutiny on the Pimp Wagon.’ Because it’s hard out there for a yachtsman.
And there’s this audio piece called Women Seeking Men.
Weathering the Storm Together
With so many storms raging right now, we need all the weathering we can get.
A friend, Sid Korpi, has a project that may be of interest to those with kids that I hope haven’t (yet) been exposed to my deeply troubling pulp writing.
Here’s something they should be exposed to!
The Exquisite Corpse Lives!
Check out the next three chapters of The Exquisite Corpse Volume 2!
Let’s Do It Again!
Tom Leins and his merry band of crime fiction wordslingers are at it again! (and this time, yours truly is along for the merriment!)
Check out the first segment of the Exquisite Corpse Volume 2!
(Yes, that’s a lot of exclamation points! But I’m fine with that!)
Yeah, it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything here, but don’t worry. I’m still alive and still giving glorious birth to crime fiction laced with danger and bad decisions. In fact, I’ve been too deeply immersed in my writing to follow the news. Anything new happen since my last post of November of 2016?
No, nothing? Okay, here’s what I’ve been up to:
My noir-ish monologue What a Real Punch Sounds was produced by Ragged Foils. I think Joanna Simpkins did a splendid job. See for yourself here!
I wrote and produced a neo-noir audio drama called Cosmic Deletions that asked such all-important questions as: What if that telemarketer is actually an assassin? and What if the world was actually the creation of a software company? Show some love, Copperheads!
Also, hey look at me playing the ukulele! Who says quarantining is boring?
Two Guns Against the Siren is now available for pre-order!
Book Three of the Jake Legato Series, Two Guns Against the Siren is available at Amazon! Here’s an excerpt:
The tattoo shop fell silent when the guy stepped inside.
Clean cut with a shiny wool suit, his expression half-hidden by sunglasses, he didn’t look like a usual customer.
He stepped to the counter, no words. Only a stony gaze bouncing between the shop’s odd artifacts. The checkered floor, the WWII-era pin-up pics along the wall. The cheap plastic reclining chair in the center.
Mouths agape, everybody stared at him. Cheyenne, the spike-haired lesbian behind the counter. Heavy-lidded Evan awaiting a tattoo in the chair. Even Tweaky Jay woke up and found himself gawking.
“Anything I can help you with?” Cheyenne asked, eyes narrow, head tilted. Confused like a kid hearing her first curse word.
“Is Miciela here?” he asked, his voice a deep growl.
“You heard me the first time. Is she here?”
But Cheyenne just kept staring. Then she jabbed both shaky hands into her pockets, unsure what to do with them.
“Let me ask you the question again: Is Miciela here?”
“No? Not right now? I think. She’s usually here. But right now she’s not. I’m sorry. I’ll tell her somebody was looking for her.” Then she forced her lips into an uneasy smile.
But the man didn’t move. “I’ll wait.”
“It could take hours before –“
“I said, I’ll wait.”
Cheyenne stepped back slowly, sizing the stranger up. He was tall and solidly built. His head was all muscle, a fist with a snarl. He looked a like a brick wall in a bad mood.
She’d heard the stories of Miciela’s adventures. Depending on who you asked she’d been a drug runner, an assassin or a Hollywood stuntwoman. Nobody knew the truth exactly but they knew she’d had strange people asking about her. And they knew there were details she didn’t want to share.
The man’s attention drifted to a pair of old creaky doors at the shop’s side. “Where does she stay?”
He shoved his face forward, nearly touching foreheads. “Where does Miciela stay? Which room?”
“She’s not here,” Cheyenne said, bracing for a blow to the chest. “I swear.” she said, her voice now a reedy whimper.
“Where is she?”
“I don’t think she’s around right now –”
He backpedalled to the room’s center, pulled a snub-nosed revolver from his jacket’s inside pocket and spun in a slow circle, his gun’s barrel bouncing from face to terrified face. Without prompting, every hand went up. Gasps filled the room. With the jerk of his head he ordered Even out of the chair. With his foot he slid the chair to the front of the door. Then he addressed his captives.
“Here’s how this is going to work: Nobody is going to move and nobody is going to say a Goddamned thing unless they get asked a question. That way, I don’t have to shoot anybody in the face – which, by the way, I’d be more than happy to do if anybody gets cute.”
Cheyenne tried to still her shaking body. This was the time to be strong. Panic would be the enemy. She stood there watching the stranger, her hands up, knowing this guy would put a bullet into her head if he knew what she was doing.
She was trying to dial 9-1-1, trying to lightly brush the cell phone in her front pocket against the counter. There was no other hope. Miciela would be dead if he’d found out she was only a few feet away.
But dialing wasn’t easy. The man’s gaze crept from captive to captive. He told them not to move and he meant it. So she’d have to dial slowly and carefully. One number at a time.
With the man’s eyes somewhere else, she nudged her body forward, pressing the cell phone against the counter’s sharp wooden corner. She lowered her eyes and caught a glimpse of the phone, making sure she was hitting the nine. She bumped it a second time, hitting the one. Almost there.
But then the man turned. Did he hear that?
“What’s in your pocket?” he demanded.
“What is in your pocket?” he repeated, face on fire and inches from hers. “Is that a cell phone?”
He reached over the counter, yanked her cell phone from her front pocket.
Cheyenne collapsed into a quivering knot, hands still up and elbows covering her face and chest, bracing for the gun shot she knew was coming. There was no way he wouldn’t see the nine and one on the screen. With her eyes slammed violently shut, she whimpered like a wounded rat.
Then she opened her eyes to see the cell phone in her face. The man said, “Call her!”
“Call Miciela. Now.”
She gathered the strength to obey the man’s orders, shaky fingers finding Miciela’s number on her contacts screen. Seconds later, a ringtone rang out from one of the side doors. Pinhead by Micela’s favorite group, The Ramones.
The man smiled for the first time, baring teeth like a pissed-off grizzly. Then he walked to the closet door and swung it open.
He found all five feet and ninety pounds of Miciela curled into a trembling ball. She looked up with eyes that wordlessly begged for mercy. Her lips moved but nothing came out but panicked breath.
The man grabbed Miciela’s baggy shirt by the shoulder and gave her tiny body a yank. She landed on his shoulder, too stunned to fight back. Turning back to the room, he tucked his gun away. “I got what I need and I’m gone. But I’d be more than happy to make a return visit if anybody tries to call the cops.”
He strutted down the hallway, then kicked open the screen door. Everybody scrambled to their feet, racing to the back door while frantically dialing and hoping the worst hadn’t already happened.
Check out this month’s short blast of pulp: The Thing Nobody Tells You About Getting Shot at Spelk Fiction!
Spelk Fiction is running my hard-hitting flash fiction piece called The Thing Nobody Tells You About Getting Shot. Check it out!